Divorce is hard on children and navigating their concerns while also venturing into the uncharted territories of separation can be a trial. It’s hardest on the children so in this article we discuss 7 ways to help your children through the divorce.
1. Talk to your children about your separation
Most parents say nothing to their kids leaving them completely confused. Sit them down and talk to your kids in simple words what it all means to them and their lives now that mummy and daddy are separating. If you don’t talk to them about what is happening they will feel anxious, upset and unsure of how to cope. Tell them its ok to ask questions.
2. Keep the legal side away from your kids
Don’t leave out legal papers for them to find and read. Don’t talk about your legal matters in front of your children or while they are in the next room. Keep those conversations with your lawyer, friend, mother about the legality for times when you don’t have the children with you. Sometimes kids listen through the door and they don’t need to know those details even though they will no doubt be curious.
3. Don’t put your kids in the middle of your arguments
Act like an adult and have a conversation with your partner about an issue rather than putting children in the middle and using them as messengers, sounding-boards or spies. Your children just need a supportive home environment to come to not one that may result in them become depressed and angry. Behavioral problems can quickly develop so stop that in its tracks now.
4. Don’t disappear
Where a good relationship exists between both child and mother and child and father, kids grow into well adjusted people. Its easy for a parent to retreat from the conflict to deal with their emotions but this emotionally affects the children you not being there.
So work out when you will spend time with the children so that you can be there with them. We can help you with this through Family Mediation.
5. Encourage a relationship with the other parent instead of keeping the kids from them
It can be difficult when you are angry and upset to encourage a relationship with the other parent when you just want them to hurt too. The problem here is that the only ones that you are hurting are the kids. Children’s needs during separation are very different from their parents. They need to spend time with both parents, they need reassurance that everything will be ok and that they will still be spending time with both of their parents despite their parents going through divorce.
6. Introduce new partners to your kids at the right time
Do your kids really need to know that you are dating after they just found out that you and their other parent are separating? Keep it to yourself for a while and have a talk to the other parent first about your new relationship once the dust settles to ask for their help to introduce your new partner to the kids. It might not be the right time or may even require the other parents help with this conversation.
7. Make sure that you pay child support and your share of the kids expenses.
Child Support is part of separating so just accept it and pay it. Don’t get angry about it, it isn’t worth it. The money is going to help your child live in a better place and ensure that they have what they need when they are not living with you. Your kids will appreciate it when they are older.
Click here for more information on family mediation services.
Try this link for an explanation on the family mediation process.